some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Are my feet made of real feet?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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