I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The uberlube is also flammable
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
