I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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