Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
