Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
