I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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