The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize