I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
