Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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