he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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