Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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