omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
