Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
