That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
