but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
