Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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