That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
