She's JV to your varsity
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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