And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
