if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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