Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
