My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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