Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
