Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
How external is "for external use only"?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize