Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
