It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
