I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
this is an emotional support booty call
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
