I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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