if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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