Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
