i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
