ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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