so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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