my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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