Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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