i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
