His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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