Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
