WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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