i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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