You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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