I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize