Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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