About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
