you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
