Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
