So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
