Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
