she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
