12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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