I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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