who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
