I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
