I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
