Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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