he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
