ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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