She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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