I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
God, I missed his penis.
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