So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
