Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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