He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
