Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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