She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
