If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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