You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize