I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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