He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
