thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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