it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
